She's JV to your varsity
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
