Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
