toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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