I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
