i just had sex bonerless
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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