did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Randomize
