I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
