Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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