If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
