I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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