He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
