Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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