Whod you bang
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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