The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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