so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
