Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
