i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
