apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
