At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
