So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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