i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
