3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
