Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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