In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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