I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
