Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize