We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
