Duck Duck Cougar?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
