I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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