He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Randomize
