When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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