I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize