Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks

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(845): View more from New York

Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo

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(631): View more from New York

If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org

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(407): View more from Florida

is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?

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(734): View more from Michigan

TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny

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(734): View more from Michigan

i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.

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(678): View more from Georgia

We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER

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(323): View more from California

You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.

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(251): View more from Alabama

He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?

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