he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
