just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
