I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
