so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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