Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
