I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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