Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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