I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
