We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
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