Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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