And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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