I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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