But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
