i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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