it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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