when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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