my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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