wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
