i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
