Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
