It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
ugly people sure do ruin things
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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