I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
