I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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