careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
