Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
