He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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