I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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