he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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