Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
