Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Randomize
