You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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