Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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