That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
