my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
