I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
