My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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