im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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