You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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