Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
