Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
