bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
